THE DEVASTATING IMPACTS OF INFIDELITY

THE DEVASTATING IMPACTS OF INFIDELITY:

Promises made with clothes off are always forgotten once the clothes are on , Samburu proverb anyway let’s face it, “kugongewa” is as old as relationships themselves—probably even older! From ancient love triangles to modern-day text scandals, this “art” of betrayal has found a way to remain constant, much like taxes or Kenyan matatus ignoring traffic rules. No matter how much we preach about loyalty or chant, “True love never dies,” kugongewa” has a way of sneaking into relationships like that annoying relative who never misses family gatherings. But why? Is it human nature, sheer  audacity, or just bad luck? In this piece, we’ll laugh, cry, and dissect why kugongewa seems to have permanent residency in our lives. Buckle up; it’s about to get real!

Having laid that firm foundation, let’s delve into our first key point. Recently, memeß have been circulating online with the caption, “Trust your woman or learn a foreign language .” Interestingly, many men seem inclined to choose the latter option. But let’s pause for a moment—do we truly understand women?

Women are inherently wired with a sense of hypergamy. This means they tend to keep their options open and remain attuned to opportunities for a better partner. However, this does not necessarily imply infidelity. It simply reflects an innate tendency to have a mental awareness of potential suitors. For instance, in long-term relationships, a woman often subconsciously knows who might be next in line should her partner pass away or the relationship end. This individual is typically someone already in her social circle, perhaps in the “friend zone” or someone who has expressed interest through subtle signals.

This behavior can be traced back to evolutionary and cultural practices. For instance In my community,  when the head of a household dies, the clan elders traditionally appoint another man, referred to as” Atera “in our local dialect, to take over the household responsibilities and provide protection for the widow and her family. This custom demonstrates that the practice of ensuring continuity has deep ancestral roots.

Furthermore, in modern relationships, many women approach uncertain dynamics with a sense of preparedness. If a relationship appears unstable, they often leave their options open while still considering themselves single in some ways. This is akin to someone dissatisfied with their current job but actively seeking a better opportunity that offers fulfillment and comfort.

Unlike men, who often strive to make a struggling relationship work despite the challenges, women are less likely to remain in a situation that makes them unhappy. Men, on the other hand, may choose to endure the circumstances and seek solace elsewhere, such as through side relationships, rather than ending the primary commitment altogether.

This nuanced difference in approach highlights the complexities of human relationships and the varying ways men and women navigate them.

Women do not love men in the same way men often believe they are loved. Men tend to love idealistically, valuing emotional and personal connections deeply, while women are more likely to love opportunistically, often influenced by practical considerations. This difference is why, when approaching women like Akello or Njeri, the first question they may ask is, “What do you bring to the table?” For a woman to love a man, he must often bring something valuable into the relationship—a reality that reminds me of my lecturer’s words: “Men, remember there is no romance without finance.”

In relationships, when a man loses his job, the initial response from his partner might be supportive. She may assure him she will handle the bills and take care of the family. However, over time, this dynamic often shifts. She may begin to see him as a burden—or in my Swahili, “ng’ombe” (a cow, implying dependency). This reaction is not necessarily due to malice but reflects how women are naturally wired.

A thought-provoking question once posed to me was: “If women are primarily after financial stability, why do many women involved with the top 20% of successful men often experience failed relationships or marriages?” After a moment of reflection, my response was this: women are attracted to more than just wealth. Small, seemingly insignificant details matter greatly to women, such as personal grooming, physical fitness, charm, or being the stereotypical “tall, dark, and handsome” man. When these qualities fade or fail to meet her expectations, especially in cases where she has options, she may seek alternatives.

This complexity also explains the trend among young women, particularly college students, who maintain relationships with older, wealthier men commonly referred to as “wababaz” while simultaneously having boyfriends of their age. Such relationships often satisfy different needs—financial security from one partner and emotional or physical connection from the other.

Women may cheat for a variety of reasons. Some cheat out of a need for attention, especially if they thrive on being noticed and appreciated. Others may cheat out of revenge, seeking to balance the emotional scales if they feel wronged.

In conclusion, the best way for men to navigate these complexities is to remain situationally aware—understand the dynamics at play, observe the signs, and respond appropriately.

Author: Austine Omino

We can never solve our problems with the same thinking we used while creating them